Hey! This is for all the married and unmarried couples out there. I'd like to talk about something very important: SEX! Or, should I say, the severe lack of it! In this digitally fast-paced, smartphone obsessed culture of ours, it seems that couples having some "quality time" went the way of the dinosaur. Instead of focusing on being a little bit more intimate with each other, people are more focused on texting, tweeting, celebrity gossip, mean-spirited blogging, crappy YouTube videos that somehow manages to get millions of views, unnecessary drama, the never-ending reality TV juggernaut, constant complaining on how the people in Washington are dragging this country down the sewer and work! I just have one thing to say to that: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!! DON'T YOU REALIZE THIS SO-CALLED SOCIAL MEDIA PHENOMENON IS KILLING YOU?!! CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S SUCKING THE LIFE YOU ONCE HAD RIGHT OUT OF YOU?!! EVERYTHING YOU ONCE CHARISHED, EVERYTHING YOU ONCE ADORED HAS BEEN TOSSED IN THE GARBAGE BECAUSE OF THIS SOCIAL MEDIA SICKNESS!!! AND ONE OF THEM IS BEING AN EVER-READY LOVE MACHINE!! You see, this crazed social media obsession is taking away our ability to be sensual beings! It's made us so emotionally inept to the point where we can't show our love for each other! To express our passion for each other! To be a little frisky now and then! One night when he's "up" and ready for some late-night lovin', she's on her laptop tweeting about the new kitchen towels and how well Prince William peels potatoes!! When's she's ready for action in her peek-a-boo lingerie, he's playing "Shadow Kings" 5 hours straight on his IPhone 6!! STOP THE INSANITY!!! There has got to be a way to get some excitement back in the bedroom without being stifled by the SM madness! Fortunately, I have the solution! And here it is:
LADIES AND GENTALMEN!! HERE ARE 5 EASY STEPS TO ENSURE A SUCCESSFULLY HOT NIGHT OF LOVE-MAKING IN A SOCIAL MEDIA WORLD!!
1. COMPLETE SOCIAL MEDIA SHUTDOWN
This is essential! In order to achieve a hot, romantic evening, you have to cut off everything associated with social media! No laptops! No smartphones! No tablets! No pads! No YouTube! No Facebook! No Twitter! Everything must be shut off! Throw all the devices in the basement if you have to! After that, there's nothing to distract you from your from your evening of ecstasy!
2. SHOPPING
The most exciting part about a night of love-making(besides the actual event) is preparing for it. Guys, the second you get off work, go out and do some serious shopping for your lady! Get her roses, chocolates, the sexiest lingerie, the whole 9! Ladies, I realize this may not be your area, but you're going to have to do the same for him! Shopping, that is! Get him some silk pajamas and some erotic underwear! Just imagine how hot and sexy he'll look in one of those naughty G-strings! When you both get home from your shopping, show each other your raunchy goodies and put them away! It'll only increase the anticipation of what awaits the both of you!
3. GOING OUT
Before you have your night of bedroom enchantment, start things off by having date night! It'll only enhance the sexual energy to be released later. There are lots of things you can do when you go out. Such as:
a) Go see a romantic movie(not a rom-com chick flick).
b) Have dinner at a fancy restaurant.
c) Go to a Sade concert.
d) Dance the night away at a night club.
e) Take a stroll in the park.
f) Go to a baseball game.
g) Have a ball at a strip club(for all you "open" types).
h) Go skinny dipping(if you're feeling adventurous).
And when you've returned from your date night, you'll be ready for a night of uninhibited, racy, mind-blowing, sweat-dripping, air-draining sex!! LET THE FUN BEGIN!!!
4. MUSIC
The key to having a successful sex outing is having the type of music to go with it. It has to enhance people's sexual urge and desire to the point where it can no longer be restrained. To put them in the mood, if you will. And the type of music that does that is the sexy R&B slow jam! This has been a part of "making out in the bedroom" for decades! From the '70s to today! They say "music soothes the savage beast". I think this type of music unleashes the sexual beast in all of us! Here are some smooth, sensual slow jams I personally recommend to help you have a memorable evening:
LET'S GET IT ON and SEXUAL HEALING by Marvin Gaye
I'M GONNA LOVE YOU JUST A LITTLE MORE BABY and IT'S ECSTASY WHEN YOU LAY DOWN NEXT TO ME by Barry White
IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG(I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT) by Luther Ingram
I WANT'A DO SOMETHING FREAKY TO YOU by Leon Haywood
TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT by Betty Wright
CLOSE THE DOOR and TURN OFF THE LIGHTS by Teddy Pendergrass
LOVE TO LOVE YOU BABY by Donna Summer
INTERNATIONAL LOVER by Prince
BETWEEN THE SHEETS and GROOVE WITH YOU by The Isley Brothers
FIRE AND DESIRE by Rick James and Teena Marie
MOMENTS IN LOVE by Art Of Noise
ROCK WIT'CHA by Bobby Brown
THE SECRET GARDEN(SWEET SEDUCTION SUITE) by Quincy Jones ft. Al B. Sure., James Ingram, El Debarge and Barry White
FREAKS OF THE INDUSTRY by Digital Underground
I WANNA SEX YOU UP by Color Me Badd
I LUST 4 U by London Jones
COME AND TALK TO ME and FREEK 'N YOU by Jodeci
NO ORDINARY LOVE by Sade
KNOCKIN' DA BOOTS by H-Town
HONEY LOVE, SLOW DANCE, BUMP N' GRIND, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE READY, YOUR
BODY'S CALLING and SEX ME(PART 1) by R. Kelly
RED LIGHT SPECIAL by TLC
PONY by Ginuwine
DON'T LET GO(LOVE) by En Vogue
UNTITLED(HOW DOES IT FEEL) and LADY by D' Angelo
DEEP and BABY BE MINE by Blackstreet
When it comes to bringing heat to the bedroom, you can't go wrong with these steamy tunes!
5. ENJOY YOURSELF
You locked up social media. You got your naughty goodies. You had your date night. You have the music. Now it's show time! The main thing you need to do is put all inhibitions and hesitations out the window! Let you imaginations run wild! Let your urges go crazy! All you need to do is take a shower, put on your lingerie/erotic underwear, light the candles, put on some sexy music and get busy!! Whatever troubles you may have, whatever issues you may be dealing with, put them all aside! The only thing that matters right now are the two of you and much needed "quality time"! Do every position(missionary, doggie, 69, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, fellatio, cunnilingus, etc.) as much as possible! Get on top of him! Get on top of her! Go down on him! Go down on her! Go as many times as you want! Go as fast or as slow as you want! Have as many orgasms as you desire! The possibilities are endless!! And that's what it's all about! Being more open. Connecting more. Having more fun with each other. Showing our love for each other. Making it more possible! That's what's needed in this world right now! Less obsession with gadgets, celebrities and annoying trends and soundbites and more getting in touch with how we feel. Feeling love. Showing love. Being in love. Being human. If we do that more, than the world would be a lot less stressful, less angst-ridden, less superficial than it is now! C'mon people!! The more you make love, the more love will make you!! Just a suggestion!
Well, that's all for now. Please take these 5 steps to heart. It might save your life. SEE YA!
